The pain of losing a child is indescribable. Losing someone we love is undeniably painful.
The truth is, people die every day; we cannot escape death, as it is one of life's certainties. People often try to rationalize death, especially the death of older individuals and justifying it with statements like, "they lived a long life."
We can lose people in various ways—within our family, in a car accident, or in an operation room. Some may peacefully fall asleep and never wake up, at least not in our reality.
Death is so arbitrary that it often defies logic. How can a young, fit, and health-conscious person die from a heart attack? It doesn't make sense.
Thousands of people die every day, and it doesn’t impact us. The difference is the connection and love.
When love and connection is present, what are we supposed to do? The stages of grief offer a cognitive explanation, suggesting that denial is possible for a limited time. However, reality eventually sets in, unless one chooses to live disassociated from it. Anger can persist, potentially leading to isolation.
Bargaining with God and the Cosmos is another avenue, pleading for the person not to be taken away, even if they didn't get to live.
Acceptance is an option—acknowledging that it happened, it sucked, and that's it.
What happens when you lose your child?
How can you articulate the loss of the moment of holding your child for the first time? The first steps, the hugs, the baby smell, and the sleepless night when they go out alone for the first time.
The first drink with your child. The advices as a grown-up? Witnessing their dreams come true? Their smile that you’ll never experience but you know it would render your powerless.
How do you explain that to your beautiful brain? Maybe you've gone through the stages of grief, understanding cognitively that grief never truly goes away; it just becomes a part of your expanded world.
I get it. OK, what do you do to the pain?
These models of grief , and perhaps others that I'm unaware of, fail to explain is the pain.
The pain of losing a child is excruciating. It doesn't go away; it lingers if not nurtured. Life continues, yet the pain remains, and you can get stuck—in the moment of grief and loss—if not nurtured.
The pain, the hole in your heart, and the love you had for that person or little bean, that essence in your heart, don't fade if not nurtured.
Find your to nurture @ivomarquestherapy
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