When Loving Becomes Losing Yourself: Understanding Co-Dependent Relationships

Therapy for co-dependent relationships in Bristol

There’s a kind of relationship that doesn’t shout or explode — it seeps. Slowly. Quietly. You stop asking for what you need. You worry about upsetting the other person. You bend yourself into shapes that don’t quite fit. You call it love. And in many ways, it is. But it's also something else: co-dependency.

What Is Co-Dependency?

Co-dependency is when your sense of identity or self-worth becomes tied up in someone else’s emotional state. You find yourself:

• Always putting their needs first.

• Feeling responsible for their happiness (or pain).

• Avoiding conflict because it feels like abandonment.

• Feeling anxious, guilty, or ashamed when you try to prioritise yourself.

You might not even realise it’s happening — it often begins with care, closeness, or deep love. But soon, you notice you're disappearing in the process.

Where Does It Come From?

Co-dependency is often a learned way of being — rooted in early relationships where love was conditional or unpredictable. If, as a child, you had to be “the good one,” stay small, or manage a parent’s emotions to feel safe, co-dependency can feel oddly familiar in adult relationships.

It becomes a pattern: I take care of you, so I matter. If I stop, you might leave.

Why It Hurts

Over time, co-dependent patterns can lead to:

• Exhaustion and emotional burnout.

• Anxiety or low self-worth.

• Resentment that you don’t feel able to express.

• A deep, quiet loneliness — even inside a relationship.

You may start to ask: Where did I go?

What Healing Looks Like

Healing co-dependency isn’t about becoming distant or avoiding intimacy. It’s about:

• Rebuilding a relationship with yourself.

• Learning how to say “no” without guilt.

• Trusting that you can be loved without self-sacrifice.

• Practising boundaries that don’t push people away — but protect connection.

Therapy can be a space to explore all of this. Together, we look at the old beliefs that shaped your ways of relating. We notice the patterns that feel familiar but painful. And gently, you begin to reclaim the parts of yourself that got left behind.

If this feels familiar to you, you’re not alone. And it can change.

I offer therapy for co-dependent relationships in Bristol and online, in a way that’s warm, relational, and gently challenging.You don’t need to have it all figured out — just bring yourself. That’s enough.