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Is Dating Really That Hard? How Expectations, Apps, and Unhealed Wounds Make It Tougher"


Dating is often seen as really difficult. Many people share stories of horrible experiences, saying they just can’t seem to find anyone right for them.

I hear things like, “I had two good dates, and then they ghosted me.” Ghosting is so common, yet many don’t fully understand what it means. If you’ve had three or four dates and then never hear from the person again, it likely just means they’re not interested.

Yes, it’s painful. But the lack of communication shows immaturity—it takes courage to simply say, “I’m not feeling this. Best of luck to you.” In those moments, I ask myself, Do I want this kind of person in my life? And honestly, no—I wouldn’t. It’s also important to remember: people don’t owe us anything.

Is daring hard?
Is daring hard?

Unrealistic expectations are a major obstacle in dating. There's often a sense that the person in front of us needs to match every part of our lives and tick all our boxes—income, appearance, lifestyle, even perfection. We stop seeing the real person and instead relate to a fantasy version we’ve created.

Dating apps can be helpful—life is busy with university, work, kids, family—so having an easier way to meet people makes sense. But often, the way we use apps becomes unhealthy.

For many, apps are about validation: “I got a match—yay, someone finds me attractive!” That hit of dopamine can momentarily soothe the nervous system and give a fleeting sense of being wanted. Until next week, when that same loneliness creeps back in.

Unresolved emotional pain from past relationships plays a huge role in how we show up in dating. Fear of being hurt again often goes unspoken. People hold back from sharing their past or their needs out of fear of rejection or abandonment. They carry these fears alone, and eventually, that isolation leads to the end of the relationship—or situationship.


Is Dating Really That Hard


So yes, it can be hard to date. But I also believe we make it harder on ourselves.

If someone stops contacting you—let them go. They didn’t abandon you—they simply weren’t your person. And that doesn’t mean you're unworthy of love. You can find someone else. And if abandonment wounds are showing up, you can work through them—with support. I help people do just that at ivomarquestherapy.com.

My advice? Date with intention, not expectations.Know what you want. Be clear on the kind of relationship you want to build and the needs that matter to you.

Don’t waste your time on people who aren’t aligned. Ditch the tick-box mentality. Instead, get curious about the person in front of you. Notice how you feel around them. If you feel nervous, gently ask yourself—What part of me is feeling this way? What might it need?

Explore your emotional needs. Ask meaningful questions. You'll often find you already know the answers—you just need the courage to listen to them. And when you do, you won’t get stuck in another situationship.


To undestand and change your dating dynamics


 
 
 

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