How Body Image Shapes Our Lives and Relationships

Body image is not just about how we look — it’s about how we feel in our bodies, how we imagine others see us, and how we treat ourselves as a result. It’s quiet, persistent, and deeply woven into the stories we carry.

For many of the people I sit with in therapy, body image isn’t the reason they come. But over time, it often reveals itself — an unspoken thread beneath self-doubt, struggles with intimacy, perfectionism, or emotional withdrawal. And it deserves our attention.

How Body Image Shapes Our Inner and Outer Worlds

Body image influences the way we relate to ourselves and the people around us. The mirror doesn’t just reflect our appearance — it reflects an idea we’ve formed in our minds. Often, that idea is distorted by external messages: cultural ideals, family beliefs, media images, or painful comments we once heard from people who mattered.

Trauma, social media, and even offhand remarks from authority figures can shape the way we see our bodies. These experiences can stick to us, quietly feeding the belief that we’re not good enough.

Our appearance can affect so many areas of life. It can eat away at our self-esteem, leaving us feeling inadequate — not because of who we are, but because of how we look.

Shame is a powerful force in this. It hurts. It cuts deep. It leads people to shrink themselves, apologise for their existence, or use self-deprecating humour just to get in before someone else does.

We compare. We scan the room. Am I bigger? Smaller? Too much? Not enough? There’s a constant, exhausting measuring — and almost always, we come up short in our own eyes. Everyone else seems good enough. Except us.

How It Affects Career and Confidence

Body shame can even shape the opportunities we believe we deserve. It can stop us from applying for leadership roles, speaking publicly, or growing professionally — not because we lack skill, but because of a voice inside that says, “They won’t choose me — I’m too overweight… too skinny… too something.”

Sometimes, it’s not just our inner critic. It’s also the very real bias of others — and our fear of it.

When Body Shame Enters the Bedroom

In relationships, body image often shows up in intimacy. We might pull away from our partners or feel confused when they get close. The desire for affection exists — but it clashes with fear: What if they touch my stomach? See my cellulite? Notice the way my arms move or that I’m not “enough”?

These thoughts can be relentless. They can stop us from receiving love, enjoying touch, or being fully present.

What’s heartbreaking is that this inner struggle can send the wrong message to our partners. They might feel unwanted or shut out, when the truth is: we want connection… but shame is in the way.

Over time, this can erode closeness. Even when intimacy happens, we might feel emotionally distant, disconnected, or unable to fully let ourselves be seen.

🌱 Steps Toward Healing Body Image and Intimacy

The good news? Healing is possible. Here are a few starting points:

1. Name the Shame

Ask yourself: What do I feel ashamed of?Shame thrives in silence. The more you explore it, the less power it has.

2. Slowly Notice Your Body

You don’t have to jump straight to loving your whole body. Start small. Maybe by noticing your hair, your hands, your breath. Be present — without judgment.

3. Let Your Partner In (Gently)

Share how you feel. Even just saying, “Sometimes I feel uncomfortable in my body” can open a new layer of closeness. Try exercises like looking into each other’s eyes or gently holding each other’s faces — small acts that build connection.

4. Therapy Can Help

Therapy is a space where you can safely explore your relationship with your body and how it’s shaped your life. You’re not broken — you’re human.

You can find me at www.ivomarquestherapy.com. Together, we can work through the parts of you that feel stuck, silenced, or ashamed.

Final Thoughts

Your body is not the problem.

The way you’ve learned to protect yourself, survive, and cope — that deserves compassion, not criticism.

You are worthy of love, softness, and closeness — exactly as you are.You don’t have to wait until you “fix” your body to be held, seen, or desired.

You are already enough.