Repairing a relationship with a partner is often a vital step toward building a joyful and meaningful life. But equally important — and sometimes overlooked — is the relationship we have with ourselves.
A helpful place to begin is by asking: What do I need?
Too often, women are socialised to focus on pleasing their partners, frequently at the expense of their own needs. Over time, this pattern can lead to resentment — of others, and of oneself. Reconnecting with your individual needs is a powerful act of self-remembering. Do I need more quality time? Affection? Adventure, intimacy, or space? And equally, what would those things look like in my life?
Once these needs are clearer, inviting your partner into the process can foster connection. Expressing something like, “I feel disconnected, and I’d really like to spend some time with you,” is a gentle yet direct way to open up the conversation. When shared with sincerity, these statements can encourage support and collaboration in meeting each other’s needs.
It’s also worth reflecting: Do I have enough meaningful stimulation, recognition, or fulfilling experiences that nourish my inner self? Exploring what might be missing in your personal world can often be the catalyst for deeper contentment — both in and out of relationship.
Naming the problem
Naming the problem can feel frightening. It makes things real. It can trigger our fears of rejection or abandonment. Sometimes, even the idea of acknowledging an issue can make us feel as though we’re inviting separation.
Yet, paradoxically, avoiding the issue often causes it to grow. Silence can amplify disconnection. By contrast, naming the problem in a healthy, compassionate way can foster intimacy and bring your partner closer.
A simple statement like, “I miss us,” acknowledges a shift, while also offering a hand toward reconnection. It says: something is amiss, and I want to find a way forward — together.
Novelty and Play
Novelty and playfulness can reignite closeness and spark joy. Both individual and shared experiences offer new energy to a relationship. Whether it’s zip-lining, bouldering, dancing, or cooking naked — these playful moments breathe life back into the connection.
Trying something new, whether with your partner or solo, can revitalise your sense of self and your bond. Training for a 10K, taking a class, or exploring new experiences together can all serve as reminders of the joy that first brought you together.
Fixing a relationship isn’t about perfection; it’s about direction. It means moving together toward shared goals, supporting each other in meeting needs — even if not all of them, all the time. A relationship doesn’t need to meet every need perfectly to be nourishing. Good enough can be plenty, when there is care, effort, and intention.
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